Facebook has officially thwarted my already dwindling efforts to establish a relationship with the opposite sex.
I was standing in the salad bar line at Festival when this epiphany hit me. After failing to sport my iPod that day, I was forced to overhear a girl in front of me stress over whether she and her pseudo-boyfriend were “official” or not. Her friend wasted no time in telling the girl that no, they most definitely weren’t “official,” because they hadn’t consummated their relationship on Facebook yet. The already confused girl proceeded to wonder aloud if she should be the one to send the relationship request or if she should wait for him to do it.
I suddenly lost my appetite as it dawned on me that Facebook has altered the dating realm. As if love and relationships aren’t complicated enough, Facebook has added to the confusion and angst. The girl I eavesdropped on is just one of many college students who have turned to Facebook as a determinant of their relationship status. I’ve heard the “who’s dating who on Facebook” and the “my News Feed said so-and-so broke up” conversations countless times and can’t help but think that the essence of dating is starting to diminish.
Thanks to Facebook, relationships have gone from personal and intimate to public and exploited. Every time the infamous little red heart shows up on a News Feed, either in tact or split down the middle, to signal a hookup or a breakup — gossip ignites like wildfire and one’s love life becomes open to castigation by the ruthless Facebook community.
It gets worse.
A male friend came to me the other day seeking my feminine input on a situation he’s been having with a girl. He likes this girl but isn’t sure if the feeling is mutual. So, he described all the “signs” this girl has been throwing his way, for me to analyze. He started off by listing some of their face-to-face encounters, he worked his way into phone and IM conversations, and then, as I should have guessed, he started going in depth about their Facebook interactions. He began saying things like “well on this day she wrote on my wall first” and “she responded on my wall instantly.” At first, I enthusiastically gave him my encouragement, condoning these examples as good signs. It wasn’t until the following point in the conversation that I had my “what am I thinking!” moment:
“Tina, she even sent me two bumper stickers!”
“Ben, that is so good! She totally has to like you, for her to go all that way to the bumper sticker application, find bumper stickers, and send them to you! This is good... this is—”
I stopped short. I couldn’t believe that flirting and pursuit of the opposite sex had been reduced from love letters and flowers to wall posts and bumper stickers. Not only is Facebook being used to officialize relationships but also as a medium to build them.
I remember the middle school years when we’d pass notes that read: “Do you like me? Check ‘yes’ or ‘no.’” We look back on these years and chuckle, deeming ourselves silly and immature. But is our new method of using a computer application to express our affection any better?
I appreciate Facebook as a social network, but its increasing intervention into dating and relationships has left me wary. At the rate this trend is going, it wouldn’t surprise me if in 10 years from now I log on to find an engagement request across my computer screen.
We’re in an era where technological innovations have already decreased our daily face-to-face interactions with others, and I don’t want something as sacred as love to be reduced and suffer the same misfortune.
Tina Dilegge is a junior history and media arts & design major.
