Darts & Pats (Submit your own!)
Posted on April 6, 2006

A “time-to-re-evaluate-your-GenEds-again” dart to JMU for never teaching students how to cross a street.
From an aggravated driver who’s beginning to look forward to the day she gets to hit her first pedestrian.

A “take-your-war-zone-somewhere-else” dart to the selfishly oblivious guys who insist upon throwing footballs and Frisbees over the concrete circle on the Quad.
From a simmering senior that would like to travel over this main throughway in one piece and won’t hesitate to slap a lawsuit on someone’s butt for getting beaned in the head.

A “remove-head-from-sphincter-then-drive” dart to the person driving the wrong way down S. Main St. into oncoming traffic.
From a terrified senior who thinks that the insane driving depicted in movies belongs in movies, and not on Route 11.

A “you-finally-realized-there’s-a-difference” pat to JMU Dining Services for finally offering packets of plain ranch dressing at Dukes.
From a grateful senior who hates buttermilk ranch and can now graduate in peace.

A “why-don’t-you-just-get-there-on-time?” dart to the junior who doesn’t respect that postal employees have lives, too.
From a senior whose mail-carrier father gets to work by 5 a.m. just so you can have your mail by lunchtime.

A “way-to-copy-from-the-queers” dart to the JMU Republicans who are attempting a weak play on the “Gay? Fine by me!” campaign.
From a liberal gay sophomore who expected no lack of creativity and open, active thought from on-campus Conservatives.