Through the Looking Glass: The grinch that stole easter — from public colleges
By Sarah Delia, staff writer
Posted on April 13, 2006

Creating the illusion of Santa Claus was tough enough on my parents, what with the whole concept of a morbidly obese man sucking in his gut to kamikaze himself down the chimney to eat cookies — furthering his tubbiness — place presents under a dead tree, and then stuff an enlarged sock which dangled dangerously over our fiery mantel. But Easter, well Easter was always a joyous, unquestioned occasion that I looked forward to. It was a day full of eating justified chocolate, parading around in Easter clothes, and of course the infamous Delia Family Easter egg hunt which took place every year in our living room. It was survival of the fittest amongst the Delia children as my brother and I scrambled to get all the eggs in our baskets — and when he turned his head, you better believe I was grabbing those eggs from his basket and placing them in mine. Don’t judge, karma has caught up to me, as my once tiny younger brother, whom I used to make cry on the day of our Lord’s Resurrection, has now surpassed me in over eight inches in height and over a hundred pounds in weight. Just imagine that Easter basket.

Those somewhat trivial aspects of Easter, however, are what keeps me going; I need my blood sugar to be abnormally high for one day. I like biting the heads off of sugary Peeps reminding myself each year that “Oh yeah, I don’t like the taste of Peeps,” and I love watching the Disney Channel Easter-movie marathons of such classics as “The Easter Bunny is Coming to Town” — pure genius.

However, as I started getting geared up for Easter this year, JMU decided to put an ultimate halt to my Easter pregaming — the university has cracked my unboiled, not-yet-dyed egg, so to speak. That’s right, my fellow Easter-lovin’ bunnies, in case you haven’t heard, we have no three-day weekend to pause and reflect on Easter. From a Catholic’s perspective, Good Friday (a day where we abstain from eating meat) has just gotten a little worse. Remember those people that are paying for your tuition, stocking your refrigerator, and possibly getting hospital bills for various reasons — your family? Who has time to go home and see them in two days, especially if you live out of state?

Along with not being able to spend time with family, there are even more obvious reasons why we should have at least three days to celebrate the gloriousness that is the Easter holiday. Chocolate — unless you’re allergic to milk or have never been dumped by someone — is your friend and greatest companion in time of need. Everyone knows that on Easter, calories do not exist; this rule also carries over to Monday as our stomachs will more than likely be bloated. Monday is the day of rest, so our bodies can come down from the sugar high — plus dark chocolate is good for your heart.

And, unlike St. Patrick’s Day, Easter involves no alcohol. It’s a Mormon’s dream of nonalcoholic fun, good food and, well, bunnies. Alcohol is known for slowing down the metabolism, numerous calories, and causing regrettable family scenes at the dinner table. None of this occurs on Easter, a day where chocolate endorphins are released into the blood stream, not liquor.

As a vegetarian, I perhaps have the greatest appreciation for this vegetable-friendly holiday. The Easter Bunny promotes good eyesight by consumption of carrots, unlike Santa Claus, the cookie-eating mascot of obesity. Easter is just looking out for its followers — it just wants what’s best for us — sugar indulgence, a brief vacation from alcohol and some good vitamins.

But Easter, a most blessed holiday indeed, can really be broken down into this easy-to-understand concept: Why save a horse and ride a cowboy when you could save a bunny and dye an egg?

Sarah Delia is a freshman English and art history major who will be dyeing Easter eggs in her room this Sunday if anyone wants to join.