Lover of Women, Conquerer of Nations: The 'suffering job' of immigration reform
By Bobby McMahon, senior writer
Posted on April 20, 2006

When Congress returns from its version of Spring Break, the main item on the agenda remains the immigration reform bill that embroiled the legislature in controversy these past few weeks.  While many in Congress and the media are focused simply on the bill’s passage or failure (a few rather pessimistic congressional staffers have begun referring to the bill as “Operation Dumbo Drop,” in that passing this bill into law will be about as easy as safely dropping an elephant out of an airplane), my crack team of investigators and I are focused instead on the effects of immigration reform on regular hard-working Americans. To gain a better understanding of the bill’s likely consequences, we interviewed Howard Whiteman, a resident of Kander Falls, Ohio, whose life was turned upside down by the last round of major immigration reforms in the late 1990s. This is his story:

“I had a good job, beautiful family, a shiny Lexus SUV in the garage and my eye on a ruby-inlay swimming pool from the Sharper Image. I was even about to make partner at Tinker, Evers and Chance. I mean, really, I had it all. Then, those fat cats in Washington had to pass that damn immigration bill (the formal title of “that damn immigration bill” is the Campbell-Algar Immigration Restoration Omnibus Efficiency Act of 1997), and suddenly hundreds, maybe thousands, of Mexican lawyers swarmed into Kander Falls with nothing more than the S&K suits on their backs and a stack of yellow legal pads in their hands. Those Mexican lawyers would work for nickels a day doing the same job as we would, and word got around that the higher-ups were thinking about marking some ‘changes.’ One month later, I found myself unemployed.”

While immigrants from Mexico played an important role in Whiteman losing his position at Tinker, Evers and Chance, immigrants from Canada prevented him from finding employment all together. “I’m not gonna blame those people from Mexico for everything, because half the problems started when those Canadians came to town. Those Anne Murray-loving Canucks took over everything: doctor’s offices, operating rooms, laboratories, think tanks, you name it. Meanwhile, the Americans in town couldn’t find work, couldn’t pay the second mortgage on their time-shares, couldn’t buy Cedar Point season passes, just awful. I looked all over town, but do you know how hard it is for an accomplished lawyer of fifteen years to find a job in his pay scale? Do you? Let that one simmer on the stove for a bit.”

Losing his job became the least of Whiteman’s worries, as his family began to feel the strain of the immigrant influx. “We lost everything,” Whiteman said.  “My children were cut from their soccer team because they couldn’t compete with the Mexicans, and then couldn’t make the hockey team because of the Canadians. We couldn’t watch Toby Keith on television because our cable company dropped CMT and SpikeTV and replaced them with Telemundo and Univision. I couldn’t even buy a hamburger. This is America, gosh darn it, and a little part of a man dies when he can’t drive into town and buy a hamburger. It’s just not right.”

Eventually, things became so bad that Whiteman and his family had to sell their Lexus SUV for a pre-owned BMW. “That’s when I knew we hit rock bottom,” Whiteman said. “That’s the only day in my life I’ve ever cried.” Whiteman eventually found work, selling doorknobs door-to-door, although most of the residents of Kander Falls were forced either to move or to commit seppuku, a highly ritualistic method of suicide popular in feudal Japan.

Almost 10 years later, Whiteman and his family have finally put their lives back together, and to this day, Whiteman holds on to his fading vision of the American Dream: “I believe that we all get what we wish for eventually, in one way or another. When I was seven, I wished and prayed each day for a pony to appear below my bedroom window, and last week, a Canadian Mountie rode into my yard and let his horse drop a big one on my lawn gnome. I guess I’ve learned that America is a place where dreams come true.”

Bobby McMahon is a senior political science major, and ranks “Operation Dumbo Drop” as the No. 1 film featuring Doug E. Doug and Ray Liotta together.