Darts & Pats (Submit your own!)
Posted on April 27, 2006

A “Tarzan-you-are-not” dart to the idiot that felt the need to swing on a branch until it broke off a tree on the Quad.
From a group of sophomore tree-huggers who were stunned at your lack of respect for the JMU greenery.

An “I’ve-never-seen-duck-porn-before” pat to the two ducks getting it on beside Showker, and their web-footed friend who was watching.
From a blushing senior gal who is glad to know you’re procreating, but didn’t know that ducks could move that way.

A “too-close-for-comfort” dart to the UREC employee who decided to stand right beside my treadmill so he could talk to his friend on the next machine.
From an irritated senior who thinks that if she can reach out and smack you in the face while she’s running, you’re invading her personal space.

A “surprises-in-the-rain-are-not-welcomed” dart to the City of Harrisonburg for closing down South Main Street without notifying residents.
From a now soaked senior who enjoys watching bikes go in a circle, but would have preferred to drive instead of walk through the rain.

A “Night-at-the-Roxbury” pat to the three girls stopped on Port Republic Road head-bobbing to Haddaway’s “What is Love.”
From an extremely entertained junior who misses old school “SNL,” back when the writers were on coke and the jokes were funny.

A “you’d-think-you’d-have-figured-it-out-by-now” dart to the mystery man that ate my leftovers out of the dorm fridge and left the Tupperware.
From a hungry RA who wants to know why she shouldn’t use her key to get into your room and eat your leftovers instead.