Breeze Perspectives: Gentlemen, do the ‘do
Certain cuts and coifs cause a hair-raising experience
By Mason Miller, contributing writer
Posted on October 12, 2006

I think it’s fair to say the world is as fashionable as it’s ever been. “Fresh” has become as synonymous with the way people look as it has always been with produce. Just look around campus and you’ll see the latest trends, from leggings to skinny jeans, New Era caps to Louis Vuitton truck-bed covers. JMU, being full of young hipsters, is especially fashion forward, notwithstanding the Ugg blizzard that swept through the Quad a few semesters back.

The purpose of this article, though, isn’t to talk about fashion from a clothing perspective. I’m really not qualified to do so, as I still think neon green is as multi-purpose of a garment color as black or brown. No, I’m here to talk about my concerns with the state of one of the most crucial accessories to any tight collection of threads. Not ice. Not sleds (those are shoes for the layperson). No, I’m taking about hair.

It doesn’t matter how ridiculous your outfit is, you can’t jump off properly without an equally well-coifed ‘do. And I speak from experience; though I am no professional stylist, I have had more than my fair share of styles: the mohawk, the ponytail, cornrows, shaved, bleached and dyed to name a few.

Concerned by the state of hair: What does that mean? Well, first I should clarify and say I’m concerned with the state of men’s hair. Women are doing just fine, and have hair down to a basic science with three variables: length, color and curly or straight (a decision I only deal with when buying fries at Arby’s). Men, on the other hand, are drowning in a world that possesses more hair possibilities than Facebook groups.

My concern started a few weeks ago as I was flipping burgers in D-hall. During the course of dinner, I noticed a plethora of one particular follicle fashion: the mohawk. Now don’t get me wrong, the mohawk isn’t going to become the Bill Frist of hair (if you don’t get the reference, you should be ashamed at your knowledge, or lack thereof, of current U.S. politics). JMU is still dominated by safe and conservative hairstyles, such as the “lawn guy land” look, in which product is used to position blades of hair at full attention, making sure the final result is stiffer than a 007 martini. However, the popularity of the mohawk is still alarming. It used to be a haircut that shocked. Personally, it was a style that won me best hair in my high school’s senior superlatives. Nowadays, though, it’s a dime-a-dozen cut. Even Republicans are sporting it.

Once taboo hairstyles are becoming as mainstream as pornography. The fauxhawk, the mohawk’s sleazier, scruffy cousin, is just as popular on campus. I certainly do not hate on these styles (that would be hypocritical as a former sporter of both). But where does their assimilation from “crazy ‘dos” to “commonplace ‘dos” leave the current state of hairs? Where does hair go from here? Even crazier with the reverse-mohawk? Retro with the leave-it-to-Beaver? Haircuts we don’t even know about, some not even yet invented? Or is it doomed to stay static?

Luckily, for us guys, there’s a way to quell these fears: variety. Nothing saddens me more than seeing someone with the same haircut, day after day, year after year. Do you think dogs would feed themselves the same dog food every day if they had any say in their culinary experiences? Heck no! So why do so many of you guys out there dog your hair? Try something new. Your current haircut isn’t your wife, so don’t feel guilty being unfaithful.

The guru I turn to is David Beckham. Who cares that he’s no longer on the English national team? The man knows hair. He comes up with new looks, and puts new spins on classics (check out beckham-magazine.com/hair for inspiration).

Gentlemen, I leave you with the personal challenge of changing your hair in the next month. Go home for Thanksgiving and shock the parents a little bit. Remember, when it comes to hair, new is “fresh.” Except new back hair. That’s just depressing.

Mason Miller is a senior SMAD major.