Darts & Pats
Posted on October 12, 2006

A “five-stars-for-hospitality” pat to the Harrisonburg County Jail, whose scrumptious bed-and-breakfast served on chic metal furniture was well worth the $91 fine.
From a junior of legal age who made the right decision to safely walk, instead of drive, home after drinking, and was still arrested.

A “you-don’t-get-points-for-hitting-us-in-real-life” dart to all the on-campus drivers who seem to speed up at intersections and don’t know what the big octagonal signs mean.
From a crosswalk-phobic senior who is glad to own running shoes, but has no problem suing your motorized tail if you hit her.

A “you-almost-sucked-but-instead-totally-rocked” pat to the young lady about to steal my parking space, but gave up the space after seeing my frustration.
From a very grateful senior who apologizes for the finger.

A “thanks-for-being-so-‘accommodating’” dart to a certain taverna whose idea of a 10-minute wait was an hour and 10 minutes without any accommodation.
From the Donner party of 12 — er, make that 11 — which is no longer hungry, but is still waiting for its table.

An “I-really-needed-to-be-even-more-obnoxious” pat to the students handing out noisemakers at the football game this weekend.
From a junior who is still playing with it and is probably keeping the guys upstairs awake during the early morning hours.

A “number-one-in-the-nation-for-the-frivolous-wasting-of-water” dart to JMU for the four massive sprinklers flooding the field hockey field this weekend in the middle of the pouring rain.
From a thoroughly confused student who, environmental concerns aside, would love someone to explain why artificial turf needs to be watered in the first place.