Darts & Pats (Submit your own!)
Posted on October 26, 2006

A “Sim-City-this-is-not” dart to the Harrisonburg traffic engineers who crammed 83 stoplights into our town to cover up the fact that they can’t lay out a decent road.
From a frustrated grad student who takes 10 minutes to drive half a mile to school.

A “someone-needs-a-purpose-in-their-life” dart to the person who ripped the parking permit off my car and nearly cost me a ticket.
From a disgruntled sophomore who finds your sense of humor pathetic, but would like to thank you in advance for bagging his groceries when you’re 40.

A “what-did-I-ever-do-to-you?” dart to the squirrels on campus for pelting me with acorns every fall.
From an animal-friendly — and thus confused — senior who’s tired of having to protect herself every time she walks past a tree.

A “you-can-take-our-clothes-but-never-our-spirit” dart to the tasteless underclassmen that moved homecoming streakers’ clothes from the Quad to Wilson Hall.
From a junior who sincerely hopes it was your boyfriend who said “damn!” as I walked butt-naked to get my stuff back.

A “who-knew-the-Top-25-was-hazardous?” dart to the Festival computers for not allowing me to view the Division I-AA football rankings because it “contains inappropriate content.”
From a 19-year-old college kid who feels as though seeing the Dukes’ ranking is not going to corrupt my youth.

A “we-were-handing-out-T-shirts-not-tissues” dart to the Student Ambassadors who complained about the Purple Out shirt distribution.
From an SGA member who wants to know how you would have controlled the seething crowds on the Quad while the pep rally dragged on.

A “my-life-flashed-before-my-eyes” dart to the guy who gave a two-inch gap as he rode past on his bike on South Main Street.
From two freshman girls who have taken to calling bikers “the silent killers.”

An “are-you-threatening-me?” dart to Brian Goodman, The Breeze’s mouthpiece of the cosmos, for telling all people born between March 21 and April 19 that they will die.
From two horoscope-addicted seniors who plan on living forever.