Through the Looking Glass: Mother knows best
The beauty and the benefits of an arranged marriage
By Sarah Delia, staff writer
Posted on October 26, 2006

American society pushes us to believe that you’re not anybody unless you’re somebody to someone — so why not just grab the next guy you see in line at D-hall to fulfill the common trend of early marriage at JMU and obtain the American dream?

Our culture works in a simple mathematical equation: Boy meets girl. They date. They get engaged. They marry, so on and so forth. We start off in a relationship, usually on the same intent with belief we are in love and will be until the end of time. But on some level, all marriages, although starting at the same point, drift into two separate entities for individual reasons.

I’ve found the solution to all the many girls who cry about not finding a committed date on Friday evenings and to all the boys who wonder why JMU girls won’t date JMU boys — arranged marriages. At first, this may seem like an extreme case of “Mother-knows-best” policy, but before you go jump the gun and fly to Vegas to get hitched at Elvis’ Casino, pause and reflect. 

The Hindu religion is founded on the basis of arranged marriages. I personally spoke to the Mittal family, husband and wife, both are current professors here at JMU. They met and wed under the Hindu philosophy of arranged marriage. By the time a young Hindu reaches 20, the family of the would-be bride or groom places an advertisement in the local paper with a description of themselves and what they desire in a mate. The individual picks out whomever they choose and there is an arranged meeting of the two families and possible future couple. The families mingle while the boy and girl are allowed to spend quality time alone together to decide how compatible their chemistry with one another is. When they return, the parents ask each individual separately if they “liked” the other. If there is a consensus, then they wed at an appropriated time. If the feeling is not mutual, the couple does not wed — neither the male nor female has an advantage or more power over the other.

The connotation that is unfortunately tagged onto the concept of an arranged marriage isn’t pretty — the words force, obligation and duty usually come to mind. But as the Mittals explained more about their own arranged marriage, I began to see the actual beauty and sacredness that is an arranged marriage. Whereas American unions start together but often grow apart, the exact opposite occurs in the Hindu society; the couple starts the beginning of their marriage apart, but slowly the two individuals merge into one unit. There is also the Hindu theory of reincarnation — the rebirth of individuals until they can obtain a sin-free life. The mate selected in this life was also in the last and even the previous one before, so like it or not, one must grow and learn to love in order to coexist with the chosen mate.

The divorce rates in the United States, along with the amount of families torn apart by abuse, adultery, and the practice of partners being changed like underwear, are only increasing. The most intriguing aspect of an arranged marriage to me personally is the foundation not built on love, but commitment that turns into love. There’s simply more substance and concrete respect than Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s American marriage. Families who raise their children where arranged marriages are acceptable and parental consent is a must may be on to something, because you know what they say — Mother always knows best.

Sarah Delia is an English and art history major who believes in all marriages as long as it makes you happy.