Darts & Pats (Submit your own!)
Posted on October 30, 2006

A “get-off-your-butt-and-walk” dart to the lazy grad student who whined about the number of stoplights on his puny half-mile commute.
From a faculty member whose six-year-old daughter walks that far to school.

A “deus-ex-machina” pat to JMU for placing a new coffee vending machine between Wilson Hall and the Learning Center.
From a sophomore girl who loves the café mocha with one sugar and one cream.

A “didn’t-they-teach-you-to-share-in-kindergarten?” dart to the girl who took all the Victoria’s Secret coupons out of The Breeze stack in TDU.
From an appalled sophomore who is glad she got her paper — with a coupon — before you got there.

A “way-to-do-the-walker” dart to the sketchy 60-year-old guy trying to dance with every girl at Rocktown Bar and Grill.
From a senior male who will teach you the roundhouse kick if you try to grind on his girlfriend again.

A “you’re-musting-up-our-school” dart to the incense-burning peddler and her indoor fumigation outside the post office in Warren.
From a newly congested senior who would appreciate some consideration when introducing foreign particles into the atmosphere.

An “I-now-carry-doggie-treats-everywhere” pat to the staff member who provided pet therapy for early Saturday morning project work.
From a senior who wasn’t the only one who was pleasantly surprised by your lovable pup.

A “happy-hunting” dart to the cashier who wouldn’t let me use a punch for pasta unless I got a salad as well.
From a confused upperclassman who knows you will wish he didn’t get the salad when you find where it was hidden.

A “why-do-you-hate-America?” dart to all the people who would not allow Gail “for Rail” Parker to run in a real party for the U.S. Senate.
From a senior WASP who would love to agree that a light rail system in Virginia would solve all our problems.