Darts & Pats (Submit your own!)
Posted on November 20, 2006

A “thanks-for-holding-back-the-laughs” pat to the girl handing out suckers on the commons who witnessed my not-so-amazing stair-descending skills as I wiped out.
From a clumsy girl who is glad that you were there to offer a lollipop to make my boo-boo go away.

A “don’t-you-mean-kill-an-extra-pig-meal?” dart to Mrs. Green’s for advertising “Save a Turkey Thanksgiving Meal” and offering glazed ham instead.
From a disappointed vegetarian who realizes ham was probably cheaper this year, but believes that a life is a life, no matter how you look at it.

An “A-for-effort” pat to The Breeze sports editors who, combined, are only getting 62.5 percent of their Picks of the Week right.
From an amused reader who thinks that you, in accordance with your job, should at least be beating the guest.

A “thanks-for-saving-my-notes” pat to the girl who took the time to let me know my backpack was open and filling with rain as I walked to class.
From a sophomore girl who appreciated the warning, as she was about to be carrying a camel pack instead of a backpack.

A “way-to-kick-a-poor-kid-when-he’s-down” dart to the Festival ATM that charged my account without giving me my $20 bill.
From a broke-as-a-joke junior who doesn’t appreciate banking technology that was apparently assembled in a Honduran preschool for the evil on-campus bank.

An “are-you-seriously-doing-that?” pat to the maintenance worker who was smoking a cigarette on all fours as she gardened.
From a girl who thought there was something amazingly and hilariously wrong with that picture.