House Editorial: Beating the dead to death
In death, as in life, the media cannot — and will not — get enough of Anna Nicole Smith
Posted on February 12, 2007

The Breeze would like to come forth as the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, Dannielynn. Actually, that’s not true. But, of late, the media is doing such a good job of taking attention off the deceased and onto everything else.

Since Smith, a former topless dancer turned Playboy “Playmate of the Year,” died unexpectedly Thursday in Florida’s Regional Memorial Hospital, journalists everywhere are in a frenzy — creating a How-To for avoiding the difficult task of honoring Smith.

Granted, she wasn’t the most proper of present-day entertainers — turning up at the Australian MTV Awards only to bare her MTV logo-clad nipples to the audience — but she was, at the very least, incredibly fascinating.

Between her May-December marriage in 1994 to the now-deceased billionaire J. Howard Marshall, her bizarre “Anna Nicole Show” and her public battle with weight (which she curbed with TrimSpa, a company for which she was also a spokesperson), Smith was oddly engaging.

Step One: Focus on surviving family. So far, the public count of Dannielynn’s possible fathers is up to three — Smith’s lawyer and last companion Howard K. Stern, her former boyfriend Larry Birkhead, and, in a shocking twist, the husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, who says he had a 10-year affair with Smith and believes there are at least 30 other potential fathers that may come forward in the coming weeks.

The New York Daily News even reported that a manuscript they obtained from Smith’s sister, Donna Hogan, says Smith froze the sperm of Marshall and used it to get pregnant, a rumor later found to be a hoax.

Step Two: Compare deceased to former bombshell in order to elevate “celebrity” status. On Feb. 10, a special segment on a major news program ran comparing Smith to her idol, Marilyn Monroe. The women, both buxom blondes, bore striking similarities to one another. They both came from humble backgrounds, both posed on the cover of Playboy, and both died under mysterious circumstances. The only difference — Monroe died 45 years ago. Smith died four days ago.

Step Three: Create a scandal. It was only five months ago that Smith’s son, Daniel, died suddenly of a drug overdose — drugs no one knew he had — while Stern was in the room. Combine that fact with the fact that Stern was also in the room when Smith died, and bam! Instant controversy. Did Stern kill them both? Did he want the money? Did he have Smith’s baby to stake his claim on her former husband’s billion-dollar fortune?

Luckily, Smith’s fans are avoiding the insensitivity by creating blogs and Facebook groups dedicated to the star. They’ve even used Craigslist to reach out to other Smith enthusiasts in hopes of having a candlelight vigil in New York City’s Union Square. It’s a good thing some people aren’t afraid to remember someone of questionable morals. After all, she may have been outrageous, but she was smart enough to put on a good show even after her death — shouldn’t we give her some credit for that?