Posted on November 5, 2007
It’s no secret that relationships are difficult to maintain. The problem is amplified when long distances separate lovers and the only means of communication is a phone and the occasional love letter. Many people come to college still involved with a significant other and are faced with the various dilemmas and temptations that present themselves.
The first, and perhaps most obvious, issue that arises is the loneliness that sets in when your partner is no longer present. The problem of infidelity is two-fold: one part of you wishes to indulge and experience college life as an independent and free person, while another part highly values the trust and love of your partner. Whichever option one chooses, guilt or frustration invariably results. These feelings of either guilt or frustration might begin to manifest themselves in the relationship and might poison the love.
The mental, social, spiritual and overall personal growth that one undergoes during their time in college is exponential. People grow and change and develop new tastes and new interests. And time has not stopped for your lover; he or she too is experiencing things without you and meeting new people too. It has been my experience that long distance couples tend to stay together through the winter; constantly sneaking off into the cold night air to catch up with their beloved. However, usually around Valentine’s Day, when the flowers start to sprout, things start to change. Girls start to wear shorter skirts, the scent of romance fills the air yet your lover is miles away. Something in nature seems to inspire feelings of sensuality in people and this greater force usually breaks lovers apart. It is a phenomenon I have witnessed each year I have been at JMU.
Relationships require a large investment of one’s personal time and emotion. The same is true of college. These two things are not incompatible, but it is necessary to ask oneself, “Is this relationship worth it at this point in my life? What do I stand to lose? To gain?” No one can answer these questions except for you.
Gabriel Henriquez is a junior international affairs major.
We all communicate romantically by using the particular “love language.” Some of us receive and respond to love best through warm words, others through thoughtful gifts, still others through physical touch and many more avenues.
In my case, spending quality time with the people in my life is the most effective way of creating and cultivating my relationships. I tend to trail from any relationship—especially a romantic one—if I don’t spend time with my significant other regularly. The ability to have a successful long-distance relationship while at college is an issue less about gender and more about personality and love language.
While everyone’s primary love language varies, there is a string of similarities in the ways different sexes receive love. For the most part, men tend to be the ones who want sex more in a relationship. Women, on the other hand, seem to thrive on physical affection. But if there are miles on the map between two people, neither of these needs can be met on a regular basis.
When someone’s needs are not being met, infidelity arises. This is a rampant occurrence in college. Come on, we all remember freshman year when everyone in the dorm would bring home a new partner every weekend. We know well the guy who has had an out-of-state girlfriend for three years but still sleeps with hot booty calls every couple of weeks. And of course, we are well acquainted with the woman with the military boyfriend who flirts her tail off every time an attractive man steps within eight feet of her.
However, every couple’s circumstances are different, so don’t think that I am trying to create absolutes here. Not all couples have sex and not all women have an intense need to be touched. Indeed, on occasion, I have seen a few long-distance college relationships work, but overall, it does not strike me as an ideal situation. College is a time during which students are given complete freedom of choice in activities, relationships and habits. Personally, I would hate to spend my college years pining away for a lover who is oh-so-far away.
Sarah Teach is a sophomore dietetics major.
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