Glass Half Full: A snapshot of doom?

By Traci Cox, staff writer
Posted on September 4, 2007

A picture tells a thousand words. The 600 words in this column satisfy me.

It has been proposed that all staff and senior writers of The Breeze have their picture printed in conjunction with their column. When my fearless editor told me of this delightful new addition to our esteemed newspaper, I had disturbing flashbacks to those awkward grade school “Picture Days.”

I’m sure you all tear up with nostalgia at those fond times when your mother insisted you wear some hideous, itchy outfit that even Bjork would vomit at the sight of. Your hair plastered with gel, cheeks bright with excessive rouge, you spent the entire morning in front of the mirror trying to see which way you should curl your lips in order to hide your overbite.

I’ve outgrown my braces and am now given the luxury of selecting my own clothes, but my left eye still twitches uncontrollably at the thought of having yet another mug shot snapped by some evil photographer bent on ruining my self-esteem forever. Yet I still can’t dismiss the fact that I feel uncomfortable having a grainy photo of myself plastered next to my byline.

The object of a newspaper is to communicate. Photos are necessary and interesting in areas like the Sports section and Features. They also exhibit something useful. I don’t know about you, but I can’t get enough of those timeless photos portraying two football players in full uniform tackling each other in a compromising position. I can’t really communicate my opinion through my face, and if I did, I’d have to take a new picture for each article I write. Just imagine how my face must look right now. See? Isn’t that more fun?

People will always judge a book by its cover. It concerns me that readers might pay more attention to a writer’s photograph than her article. When someone examines a photo, it only takes a second to form a judgment about it, whereas it takes at least a few minutes and a decent amount of cognitive engagement to form a judgment about a piece of writing. I fear that unless I make some obscene gesture or borrow an outfit from the Pussycat Dolls, my picture won’t be very interesting, regardless of how witty my repartee may be.

I get a lot of pride out of seeing my name in the paper. One of the reasons why the written word is so remarkable is because it’s something utterly original and pensive. It captures the essence of a person, and that’s a lot better than capturing her face. Think about poor merman/male model Derek Zoo-lander. As the Aborigines say, after all those vain “Blue Steel” shots, his soul has been stolen inside a flash. I like my sarcastic and occasionally pessimistic soul where it is — in my writing.

I know, I know, the life of the Op-ed writer is dripping with glamour, fame and fortune. Everybody wants a slice of this pie. There is some air of mystery and anonymity with a writer, and I like that. Perhaps I will overhear your discussion while I discreetly walk to class behind you and shock you completely when you pick up the paper and see your fleeting dilemma in print for all to read. If you know what I look like, you’ll probably just run away from me, trailing copies of USA Today in your wake. With my bulging bank account and blossoming friendship with every major newspaper tycoon in the business, I’ll have to change my identity and undergo a life-altering operation after everyone knows that I look like. And trust me, that would not be a pretty picture.

Traci Cox is a junior English major.