Darts & Pats
Through the years...
Posted on March 13, 2008
In honor of the Centennial Celebration, the opinion section has decided to print the best of the best Darts and Pats since their debut in the Monday, Aug. 26, 1991 issue of The Breeze. This is the introduction that appeared before the first Darts and Pats:
“Hello JMU. It is with great pleasure that we introduce Darts and Pats…Darts and what?…Darts and Pats.
There are some things in life that deserve public attention but the closest they come to being heard are through mumblings of approval or disapproval. Well, these “things” will serve as targets for Darts and Pats and will hopefully end an era of ignoring well acknowledged but unprinted opinions.
Darts will be “thrown” at things considered to be bad, lame or just plain annoying. Its counterpart, Pats, will be awarded to those “things” considered to be good, brilliant or just plain orgasmic!
So if you have an opinion but don’t think it will work as a letter or a column, submit it to The Breeze as a Dart or a Pat. If we use your idea we’ll give you credit, but The Breeze retains the right to edit for clarity and space constraints.”
The format of Darts and Pats has changed over the years, and each Dart or Pat featured here is in its original format. At first, Darts and Pats were small blurbs, mini-rants appearing in paragraph form, with no acknowledged author. During the first year, senders were sometimes identified, but when they were, they were introduced by “Sent in by” until 2000. In 2001, the sender was introduced with “From...,” which is the current format.
The graphic that accompanied the special opinion feature only appeared in later years. In first few years of their appearance, only the words “Darts and Pats” were creatively designed.
When pictures did appear with the words, there were other graphics along with the different variations on the current design on the Darts and Pats logo.
In 1993, Darts & Pats were only printed on Thursdays, and a feature called “So What!?!” was printed on Mondays. In a special April Fool’s Day Friday issue in 1994, The Breeze’s name was changed to The Sneeze, and the Darts and Pats were lovingly changed to Hearts and Rats.
Such is the evolution of the one thing each Breeze reader flips to first, and looks forward to reading every Monday and Thursday.
So without further ado, here are a few of the best D&Ps from the past. Enjoy this doozy of a dose of Darts and Pats!
MONDAY, AUG. 26, 1991
Our first official dart is tossed at whoever decided to move campus police off campus. And what’s with that new name...Public Safety Office? What the hell is that?
THURSDAY, OCT. 10, 1996
A “fall-colors” pat to the JMU groundskeepers for not raking up all of the pretty fall leaves that are scattered throughout campus. Sometimes a little mess is a good thing.
Sent in by a student who can now admire the leaves both on the trees and off.
THURSDAY, APR. 26, 2001
A “you-suck” dart to the administration for its apathy about diversity and funding inequities for academic programs.
From a sociology major disgruntled by the lack of multiculturalism in the curriculum and angry that you burn plenty of money to make the ISAT buildings fancy-schmancy while other academic programs struggle with severe faculty shortages.
Thursday, OCT. 31, 1991
A naughty dart to a local bulldog named BUTCH who was witnessed maiming several small children.
MONDAY, MARCH 21, 2005
A “you-know-how-to-have -a-good-time” pat to the guy who came into Sheetz, told everyone he was “blitzed”and proceeded to yell “No batta!” as the clerk announced order numbers.
From a senior sorority girl who knows the difference between appropriate and inappropriate, and didn’t realize that someone at JMU could get it so wrong.
MONDAY, FEB. 19, 2007
A “do-you-really-think-that’s-cool?” dart to the frat guy at UREC for wearing a repulsive rush shirt with the phrase “beating off” on the back.
Sent in by Scott Surovell.
MONDAY, NOV. 20, 1995
A huge thank-you-for-feeding-the-hungry pat to McDonald’s and Burger King for helping the Blessed Sacrament Soup Kitchen when we were in a bind and really needed you.
Sent in by someone who always like to see big money-making organizations do their part to help individuals.
THURSDAY, MARCH 30, 2000
An “if-I’m-going-to-pay-for-it,-it-had-better-work” dart to the SMAD department for making some students pay $20 in lab fees to use a lab where half the computers and printers don’t work.
Sent in by an irritated student who wonders where all her tuition is going.
THURSDAY, AUG. 15, 1991
A convenient pat to whoever decided to purchase the stamp machine outside the bookstore. Not only does it eliminate waiting in line just for a stamp, but it also helps to decrease the length of post office lines.
THURSDAY, SEPT. 25, 1997
A “where’s-my-discount?” dart to JMU Dining Services for not giving students their five percent discount when they make a purchase with Flex.
Sent in by a penny-pinching student who needs every penny he can save.
THURSDAY, JAN. 25, 2008
A “your-selflessness-will-not-go-unrewarded” pat to the last winged unicorn for valiantly standing up against the powers of darkness and the demon king.
From your mom.
MONDAY, JAN. 18, 1999
A “did-they-really-need-to-be-THAT-big?” dart to whoever installed the large traffic signals outside Mr. Chips to stop traffic when trains pass.
Sent in by a Village resident who thinks they’re an eyesore and can’t believe car wouldn’t have stopped for a smaller version.
MONDAY, FEB. 28, 2005
A “thanks-for-your-creepy-confession” dart to the guy who told everyone within earshot at a party that he goes through underwear drawers at parties.
From an ISAT kid who never wants to take you
anywhere again.
THURSDAY, JAN. 14, 1999
A “breakfast-is-the-most-important-part-of-the-day” dart to Let’s Go for being closed for breakfast this week.
Sent in by two Spotswood Hall residents who miss the energy boost their hashbrowns and eggs give them.
MONDAY, APRIL 11, 2005
A “way-to-distract-my-boyfriend” dart to the three naked girls taking pictures in front of Wilson Hall at midnight when I was trying to enjoy a romantic outing with my boyfriend on the Quad.
From an angry sophomore who didn’t appreciate the competition.
THURSDAY, FEB. 10, 1994
A sealed-tight, environmentally friend pat to Food Services for initiating the use of Tupperware in Let’s Go, Amigos and Mrs. Green. For only $2 JMU can “act locally” while “thinking globally.”
Sent in by the members of EARTH.
MONDAY, FEB. 13, 2006
A “we’re-grossed-out-and-we’re-not-going-to-take-it-anymore” dart to the “powers that be” for leaving Newman Lake in the deplorable condition it has been in for years.
From a senior who doesn’t understand why so much time, effort and parking revenue is spent on less appalling parts of the campus.
MONDAY, MARCH 16, 1992
A dart to the schmuck who scheduled assessments on the day after St. Patty’s day. Oh what a sight — thousands of hungover seniors trying to take themselves seriously.
THURSDAY, FEB. 3, 1994
A cluttered dart to the Records Office for requiring graduating seniors to fill out bachelor’s degree application. In order to generate our RAP sheet, yu must have all of our course records on your computers. So why do we have to write out all of our major and minor courses — in triplicate?
MONDAY, JAN. 17, 2000
A “try-renting-an-art-major-next-time” dart to the colorblind person who stuck the old yellow picture backgrounds in the middle of the new pastel JAC cads.
Sent in by two seniors who prefer their old JAC to the ugly eyesores they have now and wonder why the change was needed.
THURSDAY, SEPT. 11, 1997
A “does-my-car-look-like-an-ashtray?” dart to the Harrisonburg Transit driver who threw his cigarette in my sunroof because he thought I was driving too slow.
Sent in by a student who didn’t appreciate a burn hole in her car, and will be wart of opening her sunroof from now on.
THURSDAY, AUG. 31, 2006
A “thanks-for-rock-’n’-roll” pat to the Lord of Darkness for forming the coolest musical genre in history.
From three metal maniacs who still think you play a mean fiddle.
THURSDAY, NOV. 16, 1995
A dart to the SGA for jilting the water polo team out of its share of the club contingency fund. The water polo team is probably the most organized, competitive, outgoing and fun organization around and is worth every penny of the $1,500 the women’s club soccer team got.
Sent in by someone who knows the water polo team is not livin’ in the lap of luxury.
THURSDAY, FEB. 6, 2003
An “it’s-a-fixed-metal-structure” dart to the naked girl who tried to make love to the statue of ex-president and our university’s namesake, James Madison, Saturday evening.
From an amused passer-by who appreciated the gesture but doesn’t think Dolly would find it as funny.
THURSDAY, OCT. 5, 1995
An I-know-lots-of-students-drink-and-drive-but-what-were-you-thinking dart to the driver of the passenger van full of students who pulled up to a party and stumbled out drinking a can of beer.
Sent in by a SADD student who can’t understand how these things can go on, considering the possible negative consequences.
MONDAY, APRIL 12, 1999
A “wake-up-and-pay-attention” dart to the careless smoker who started a small brush fire with his cigarette butt outside of the Music Building.
Sent in by a “butt-kicking” non-smoker who doesn’t want to play Smokey the Bear by putting out fires around campus.
MONDAY, SEPT. 9, 1996
An “I’d-laugh-if-they-bit-back” dart to the students who were biting off roses from the Samuel Duke rose garden during the heavy rains Friday. Don’t you know that biting rose stems could harm your tooth enamel?
Sent in by a faculty member who had reported for work before classes were canceled and saw the biting bandits.
Thursday, OCT. 10, 1991
An artistic dart to Sawhill Gallery for displaying a ceramic penis.
Sent in by an offended art critic.
MONDAY, FEB. 14, 2005
An “it-must-have-been-cold-in-there” dart to the two guys who snuck in to Wilson Auditorium and streaked on stage.
From a freshman who happened to walk by at the wrong time and doesn’t appreciate your bizarre use of leisure time.
THURSDAY, OCT. 7, 1993
A dart to the judicial system at JMU for considering an acquaintance rape “sexual misconduct.” (See Oct. 4 Breeze Police Log.) No wonder so few women come forward and follow through on charges when rape is not taken seriously by this campus’ law enforcement or judicial bodies.
Sent in by an angry woman ready for change.
MONDAY, JAN. 9, 1992
A dart to whoever decided to give Paula Abdul a star on Hollywood Boulevard at the same time as Jimi Hendrix. It took him 20 years, and it took her two albums.
Sent in by Scott Surovell.
THURSDAY, MARCH 27, 1997
A “get-with-the-times” dart to Carrier Library for only having one microfilm machine that prints. Do you really think that 13,000 students can use one machine?
Sent in by two students who think life is too short to spend waiting in line at the library.
THURSDAY, JAN. 10, 2008
A “get-out-of-your-Uggs-bubble” dart to all Ugg-boot owners who don’t realize they are so not cute outside of JMU.
From an anti-Uggs alumna who knows you would have to try really hard to find those hideous things on anyone’s feet in the real world.
