Facial hair gets a bad rap. It’s true and I won’t deny it.
I’ve had some manner of whiskers on my face for a little more than two years, beginning with an admittedly dubious goatee in high school. In a way, I’m carrying on my father’s legacy: When he attended JMU in the 1970s, he rocked a rather impressive mustache.
I doubt I’ll ever live up to my father’s mustachioed magnificence, yet I persevere and encourage my fellow men to do the same. Why, you ask? Because it’s about character.
I can’t defend facial hair in the eyes of women. If they decide they like men who shy away from the slightest stubble, that’s their decision. (Though one wonders, because these are usually the same women who prefer furry boots.)
But I can defend the beauteous beard, the mighty mustache, the charming chinstrap, spectacular sideburns and the grand goatee on their own merit. You see, we men are gifted with an extraordinary opportunity.
Too often, though, our noble attempts at facial hair are shot down by ladies who perhaps cannot withstand a tickle.
Facial hair has largely fallen out of vogue. In fact, not one of our presidents since 1913 was known for sporting facial hair, and it was a five o’clock shadow that contributed to Nixon’s poor performance in the 1960 presidential debate. Indeed, we like our clean-shaven presidents. Given the current state of our country, though, one wonders if this is coincidence.
Take a look at 2008’s politicians and you’ll see a continuation of this disturbing trend: Guiliani, Edwards, McCain, Obama, Hillary. These politicians have carefully crafted their image, but we need a leader of great character, not a guy from an Aqua Velva commercial.
We need men like Gandalf, Jesus, Chuck Norris, Abraham Lincoln and Leonidas, king of Sparta: Great, principled leaders whose greatness did not come from their scruffy appearances, but from their surety of self. They had the confidence to prove that you don’t have to drag a sharp piece of metal across your skin every day to make things happen.
Of course, facial hair is not for all men, nor is it for all times. Some guys simply look weird, dirty or just plain bad without the aid of a razor. Still, that’s no reason to hate on facial hair as a rule.
There is also a fine line: Stubble can impart a certain edge, but if done wrong (or from laziness) the result is slovenly. Likewise, a mustache can convey character (think Magnum PI), but you could end up becoming a caricature (think white trash). And the toothbrush style (think Hitler) will be forever off-limits. So be careful in your endeavors, but don’t let anyone discourage you.
It should be a conscious decision followed up with meticulous care. I urge every man to at least try it and every woman to at least give it a chance.
Whitten Maher is a sophomore SMAD and political science major.
I have a newsflash for all you wonderful wielders of whiskers: Women don’t enjoy facial hair. It seems that in general, men are for facial hair and women are against, so this shouldn’t be surprising. And women don’t dig facial hair for good reasons, too.
Stalin, Hitler, Castro and many more evil-doers throughout the history of our world sported beards or other forms of facial hair. Coincidence? Hardly.
Facial fashions come and go: from mutton chops, the chin curtain and the ever-popular van dyke style. One fact remains in the midst of all these (not-so-fashionable) fashion statements: Facial hair is simply a turn-off for most women.
I have never met a fellow female who, when listing favorable features of the opposite sex, rank facial hair right up there with dark eyes and a beautiful smile. And I have never chatted with a woman who looks forward to being swept up in a man’s arms and caressed by a scratchy barrage of bristles.
Some guys need facial hair to conceal their baby-face features. And don’t get me wrong, some styles of facial hair aren’t that repulsive. I guess I can dig a rugged male model sporting a five o’clock shadow. A few hairs on his chiny-chiny-chin aren’t too distracting, but more than a few centimeters of stubble looks dirty and unkempt, and the lumberjack look is certainly not attractive.
It’s sad to say that male bonding occurs over how much hair one can accumulate on his face. In fact, creating a connection because of facial hair seems just as exciting as a girls’ night in watching “The Hills.”
It’s completely pointless to compare how many centimeters of hair a guy can grow on his face, as if it’s a manifestation of his manliness. How can mustering enough testosterone to grow a nanometer of hair above the upper lip be a point of pride? Most men our age have trouble getting anything to grow on their faces, and when they do, it seems to come in at alarming rates.
We did invent razors for a reason. If you can’t take five minutes from your day to shave your sorry excuse for a soul patch, then you’re just plain lazy.
And for those lazy dudes, isn’t it more work to maintain a lot of facial fuzz anyway? I mean wouldn’t it take longer to shampoo and groom that mane of pride than to take a razor to your face every few days?
If repelling the ladies doesn’t convince you to shave that stubbly bush, think of all the other downsides to supposed bewhiskered bliss. Keeping a gas mask properly sealed, being more vulnerable than your opponent during hand-to-hand combat or even while playing football, your beard could easily be the target of an opponent’s brutal tug. All signs lead to sans-facial hair, gentlemen.
Anna Young is a sophomore SMAD and sociology major.
