Marriage no longer permanent institution

"'Til death do us part ... I do." Probably the most important, symbolic and meaningful words one can utter in a lifetime. The point in time where two people have decided to recognize their lifetime union in front of God, loved ones and friends. Expensive ceremonies with flower girls and beautiful, long white dresses are elements of every girl's dream wedding. The honeymoon marks the beginning.

What I want to explore is what happens in the course of married life to lead so many couples to divorce. Do we, as a society, believe marriages can be only temporary, even after saying those symbolic words? Or is it that our human nature can't predict how we will be in one, five, 20, 50 years down the road? Is there anyway to ensure that marriages are permanent and everlasting? I don't think so. Is there any way to limit the number of couples that consider divorcing? Doubtful. Should we as a society believe divorce is wrong? In the most perfect utopian world, yes. But in the practical world we live in, no. Or is it whether it's acceptable or tolerable? I'll let you contemplate that as you read.

Forty percent to 45 percent of marriages initiated this year will end in divorce before one partner dies, according to Joshua Goldstein in his work, "The leveling of divorce in the United States," a fact which is agreed upon by other leading sociologists. This refutes the myth that half of all marriages end in divorce, even though it may have been that high several decades ago.

I assume that people who marry for the first time may either be unsure of what love is or unsure they are able to tell if they can spend the rest of their life with one person. This is completely understandable. Life is trial and error and we can't learn from mistakes we don't make. So, would it be correct to assume that second and subsequent marriages will be more successful? Those who have previously wed are now a little smarter, know a little more about themselves and have probably learned to pick up on small and insignificant signs as to whether a potential partner is in fact someone right for them. In that same Goldstein piece, he concludes that second and subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce.

What are some ways to possibly lower the chances of marriages ending in divorce? According to David Popenoe's "The Top Ten Myths of Divorce," many couples will live together before marriage because "it is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing." In "Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Instability in the United States: A Reassessment," Alfred Demaris and K. Vaninadha Rao conclude that these types of relationships are more likely to end in divorce because evidence supports that "cohabitation itself generates attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, for example the attitude that relationships are temporary and easily can be ended."

Maybe a way to combat divorce, if combat is the correct term here, is to have a child. No parents want their children to grow up in two different homes. Could bringing a child into this world help bring a married couple closer together, not only for the sake of the child, but for their sakes as well? In Tim B. Heaton's "Marital Stability Throughout the Child-Rearing Years," he says the most stressful time in a marriage is after the first child is born. He added, "Couples who have a child together have a slightly decreased risk of divorce compared to couples without children, but the decreased risk is far less than it used to be when parents with marital problems were more likely to stay together 'for the sake of the children.'"

I was most amazed by the percentage of males to females who file for divorce. For a while, I thought more males filed for divorce. According to "These Boots Are Made For Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers Are Women" by Margaret Brinig and Douglas Allen, 67 percent of divorces are filed by women. Wow.

So, what can be learned from this data? Is there something about American culture that sees divorce as completely normal and appropriate?

In the movie "Coyote Ugly" (2000), one of the characters who got married remarks, "I think he is a perfect choice for my first husband." Is there something in our subconscious that prepares us to deal with divorce and just move on? More importantly, is there something in our subconscious that tells us to look for partners for the short-term and disregard those that are potential "life partners?"

The Crossroads Christian Fellowship Web site says matrimony is a "sign of the union between Christ and the Church and therefore is permanent — divorce is unacceptable." Does that mean those that divorce are unethical, immoral? Of course not. Different people view different ideas in different ways, and marriage is hotly debated, as is abortion and the death penalty. Can someone be right or wrong when defending or arguing for one stance over the other?

When I get married, I, like most of you, want to believe it is a permanent union. That is the basic foundation of marriage. Can I guarantee I will stay married to the same person for the duration of my life or hers? Of course not.

But in the society we live in today, is it still appropriate to say those words "'Til death do us part ... I do"? Or should we just settle for, "Til I get bored of you... I do"?

Jeffrey Cretz is a junior SMAD major who loves to watch "The Newlywed Game" and wishes he knew if couples that didn't perform so well were still married five years later.