A man's guide to judging a woman by her handbag

Fashion Boss

Every fashion-savvy person such as myself has an obsession. For Carrie Bradshaw, Sarah Jessica Parker's character on "Sex and the City," it is shoes. For socialite Paris Hilton, it is skimpy dresses from YSL — that's Yves Saint Laurent for those unproficient in fashion speak. For me, it is handbags.

Handbags are status-makers that announce your presence before the rest of your body even enters a room. They are like jelly beans — sweet, small and come in a variety of shapes and colors. Ever since I laid eyes on my first, delicious zuchino-print Fendi, I have become a self-proclaimed expert. I can spot a fake Louis Vuitton faster than you can say cop-out.

Now, before the gentlemen decide that this is a "chicks only" article, realize that recognizing what a handbag says about a woman can make an opening line that much easier. Read on for what I believe to be the world's most expert advice about my most prized possessions.

I believe every person, no matter how tiny the fashion instinct, can find her niche in the handbag universe. Sometimes finding the right bag for you is all about form and function. Although I have broken this rule more than I'd like to admit, a woman only needs a minimal four handbags, each to serve a specific purpose.

First, one must have the sporty handbag that can fulfill a multiple number of purposes. This is the handbag that can be tossed in a gym locker and toted around through rain or shine. It is an inexpensive bag that can take daily wear and tear and is easily replaceable. The owner of the sporty bag is most likely an athletic girl who can hang with the guys.

Second is the small, elegant handbag reserved for proms, weddings and any other formal occasions. They are usually made of satin and should be small and light, for they are meant only for carrying the bare essentials such as keys, a cell phone and lip gloss. This prissy bag indicates a woman on her way to a fun event who probably enjoys attending parties and being social.

Third is the most popular and most versatile bag — the shopping purse. This purse is similar to the sporty bag, for it serves many purposes, but is more expensive. The shopping purse is nice enough to be carried to work for it is roomy and holds all the ridiculous things women insist on carrying.

This bag also can be dressed up and taken out for a night on the town and is durable enough to sustain a few stains. It is owned by all women of all types, yet indicates down-to-earth women who still like style.

My favorite bag is the final purse you will learn about today — the ultimate splurge handbag. This is the bag you spent way too much on no matter how long your boyfriend or parents lectured you. In fact, it is so expensive, you never carry it except when the weather conditions are pristine, and there is zero risk of a partygoer spilling Red Bull on it.

This is your beloved status-maker, which represents all that is wonderful about handbags — refined fashion. The few women who own this bag embody what it means to be high maintenance. However, men must learn that high maintenance means high quality.

Now, go bravely into the handbag-laden world and enjoy all the amazing colors, prints, shapes and sizes that this place of heaven has to offer you. As for the gentlemen, remember that my guesses about women based on handbags are only generalizations. Therefore, never rely completely on a handbag when sizing up a woman.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the Fashion Boss, where The Breeze's annual make over contestants will be revealed with their new looks.