Student reports her inadequacies in list

I don't try to hide my inadequacies. For example, I am picking my nose as I write this and have no problem with you knowing that. I just want to know why when people who already have known me for a long time get mad at me like they just found out about a little annoying thing I do. It goes like this, "I can't believe you (fill in annoying thing here)," and I'm apologizing, but all the time thinking, "Hey! I've always (fill in annoying thing I do here). If you don't like it, that's your problem!" So I thought to myself, there's only one way to avoid this problem. Let it be known however, I am not apologizing, nor should I be. I'm just giving you a heads up.

1. I speak about 10 decibals higher than other people at all times.
2. When food drops on the floor, I abide by the three minute rule, not the three second rule.
3. I tackle people for no reason.
4. I punch people to say hello.
5. I often smell of the Festival kitchen.
6. If someone asks me a question, I'm often not paying attention and walk away.
7. I have no respect for sleep and wake people up at what are referred to as "ungodly hours" (like 10 a.m.).
8. I end phone conversations abruptly with no notice.
9. I release "silent but deadlies" and give no warning.
10. I try to fit people into my pantry.
11. I've been known to blare Ricky Martin while washing my car.
12. I talk to myself during class.
13. I answer rhetorical questions.
14. I do not like things other people's ways.
15. I am bossy.
16. I am the worst driver in Harrisonburg — and perhaps the county.
17. I can't cook and expect others to do it for me.
18. I can't grocery shop and expect others to do it for me.
19. I eat other people's leftovers.
20. My favorite snacks include peas with sweet-and-sour sauce and brussel sprouts with mustard, which, when microwaved, radiate a stench for a 500-yard radius.
21. I don't always return borrowed clothes.
22. I leave clothes in the dryer for days.
23. I don't have an answering machine.
24. If you call me and it rings six times, my fax machine makes a really high-pitched screeching noise.
25. If someone Instant Messages me, instead of the normal binging sound, it plays a recording of my roommate saying, "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm here," like Michelle Tanner from "Full House."
26. If I see my friends on campus, I find something to stand on and yell things in their general direction.
27. I walk like a herd of elephants.
28. I don't return phone calls.
29. I knock things over.
30. I don't hang out if it wasn't my idea.
31. I wear pants only if necessary.
32. My belly button is dirty.
33. I usually don't finish my sentences.
34. I speak in a series of grunts and points and get upset when people don't understand me.
35. I really enjoy scaring people.
36. I make strangers talk to me in public situations for no reason.
37. I'm lefthanded, so if you sit next to me at a restaurant, our elbows will bang.
38. I do not sympathize for other's pain or sickness.
39. Sometimes I don't wax my eyebrows for a while, and I start to look like a Neandertal.
40. I get really fidgety and noisy in class and talk to my friends.
41. If you say something embarrassing, I will post it on my Away Message.
42. I don't close the door when I go to the bathroom.
43. I disappear for hours at a time.
44. If I borrow someone's car, I always forget to turn down the volume, so when they use their car again, the radio blasts as soon as they turn it on.
45. There is a giant stuffed toy snake on my wall and a cardboard cutout of Jar Jar Binx.
46. When I'm with my roommate, we talk in our own language and don't include anyone in our conversation.
47. I tell the same stories over and over.
48. I answer questions with questions.
49. I chew with my mouth full.
50. I spit when I talk (so you're pretty lucky you're reading this).

So there it is. The list of my top 50 fatal flaws.When I say top 50, I mean that when I showed this to my roommates, not only did they agree, they wondered why I hadn't added the 10 more they suggested.

Jessy Hanebury is a junior SMAD major who wants to know if you can hang out Friday.