"Badvertising" plagues TV, misleads viewer

I love commercials. I love the way they interrupt the Maryland vs. Virginia football game to tell me how new Clorox Oxygen Action will remove grass, wine and even the toughest grease stains from my favorite shirt, while still keeping the color brighter than ever. I love how they show me the entire plot of a movie before I go pay a million dollars to see it. And I love how they tell me that if I chew Dentyne Ice gum, beautiful women will flock to me and make out with me, while everything around me conveniently freezes. I just love commercials.

Advertising has reached a new low. Instead of just showing me a product, now they have those just-an-ordinary-person-not-an-actor testimonials informing me there's nothing better in life than to spend $99 on a gumball machine that magically will make me rich and improve my social life at the same time. And don't forget how each person was in an unbelievable amount of debt, but after somehow being able to afford purchasing such a product, they found themselves not knowing what to do with all the extra cash. So what should I do? Buy the product of course. And for only five easy payments I can have a perfect life.

But seriously, this has gone far enough. Lately, it seems companies have nothing better to do than create long, boring and extensive ads that produce more hatred for the product than desire. I don't want to see commercials. I want to know what's available in the shortest amount of time possible, with the least amount of this-is-how-your-life-will-improve-if-you-buy-this bullcrap.

Commercials for Oxi-Clean, music albums and those healing bracelets are so incredibly excessive, that they turn away more potential buyers than they obtain. Their problem is extreme manipulation techniques. Each one tries to pull their audience in with statements like, "[OxiClean] is mother nature's way of cleaning," or "The Balance Bracelet is designed to aid the body in helping itself through electropolarization." Statements such as these twist people's minds into believing what they "see." People don't require any more proof than the written testimonials they see and hear — and companies know it. That's why these commercials are so manipulative.

The Oxi-Clean commercial, one of those barely-under-the-infomercial-time-limit ads, consists of a fat guy with a beard yelling at you. Personally, this doesn't make me want to just pick up the phone and order a container as fast as I can so I can be sure to get a bonus "whopping" five-pound bucket. One thing that is particularly clever about this commercial, however, is the charged-up and energetic attitude of the guy. This can produce an emotional excitement moving me to call. And they do show how the liquid can remove some stubborn stains. But the stain's reaction to the liquid is so fast that you can tell they have intervened with imaging technology, and the honest approach is lost.

My favorites are those commercials for the "Sweet Love" or "Love Songs" albums that show romantic pictures like two lovers making out on a bed in a dimly lit room with a large window overlooking a beautiful California sunset over the Pacific Ocean. I'm supposed to believe that if I buy this album, I'll end up in a bubble bath with an absolutely gorgeous woman, or by the cozy fireplace with her cuddled in my arms, or even at a dinner with her by candlelight. And it'll be okay if I forget the dozen roses for her on our anniversary as long as we have this album to dance, kiss or cuddle to. Because who in their right mind could withstand the force of this wonderful music when hearing it play?

But the best commercials promote those bracelets that magnetically cure every ailment in my entire body. Whenever I have ankle, neck, wrist or back pain, I am reassured that if I just buy that little bracelet, I instantly can be cured of them all as soon as I put it on. And I even wouldn't notice it's there. They're just that comfortable. The foundations for these commercials are the just-an-ordinary-person-not-an-actor testimonials. And these look even more realistic because of the way the camera jiggles around capturing the amazed expressions of people at the "sales fair" where they see these things displayed.

The thing about all of these advertisements is the type of imagery and language used to manipulate the viewer. They all use appealing colors and words according to the product. For instance, the music album commercials use darker red colors to choke out all emotions of anger, stress and pain, and evoke gushy emotions like love, contentment and romance. The buyers of these albums don't need proof that they work, because when they saw the ad, they felt different. The same approach is used with Dentyne Ice gum. The commercial induces a feeling or emotion in the viewer that compels them to buy.

The thing I don't get is how people can be so gullible and vulnerable. The amount of people that actually get what they paid for has to be slim. All I know is that I won't be caught again. So here's to all the suckers who've been caught like I have. Good luck, and remember — only you can prevent "badvertising."

Zak Koops is a freshman theatre and dance major.