Relationships not flawless, especially during college years

Sex in the Suburbs

There are two girls for every guy here at JMU, a fact that was even brought to the attention of the Board of Visitors earlier this month. The 65 percent female to 35 percent male ratio was a dismal and promising figure, depending on which side of the fence you graze.

The ratio also spawned a column in the opinion section of The Breeze. It was this column that caused my friend, sophomore Stephanie Genco, to suggest that I write Sex and the Suburbs on the topic.

"The whole concept of these girls feeling stranded if they don’t have a potential husband, I mean boyfriend, is ridiculous," Genco said. "Sure, you could end up marrying him, but you have your whole professional career to look forward to and, after all, isn’t that why you’re at an institution of higher learning in the first place?"

Genco obviously has been brooding on the subject for a while; she ended the rant, saying, "Perhaps you can write about that … with a little less bitterness."

I almost laughed and brushed Genco off as an angry woman — but she has a point. Have we become too socialized by movies and television? Do we automatically enter relationships with the hope that they will become life-long commitments?

Maybe movies have been causing us to latch on to our significant others. When my housemate broke up with his girl friend of 14 months, we were all stunned to hear that the "perfect relationship" wasn’t so perfect.

Break ups made in the shadow of popular conceptions of the "perfect relationship" are crushing, even to bystanders. Why are we so shocked when college relationships don’t last? We really expect movie-size proportions of others’ relationship.

When I was searching for column ideas last night, I asked my good friend Jeremy why so many people feel so needy. He said that when we search for someone to complete us, we often place too much emphasis on one person. Instead of looking for a soulmate around every corner, Jeremy uses his friends for support. Rather than invest so much in one person about whom we might only know a little, it might be better to seek staid support in a few.

My first Sex and the Suburbs ran at the end of last semester and it seems ironic to mention because it was on summer flings. In that column, we considered the story of my friend "El", who was considering long-term relationships with two guys. Now that the first colors of fall are appearing on campus, we are considering lifetime commitments. Are relationships seasonal? Do we search for long-term commitments when convenient?

I am going to advise the same thing I did before summer break — have fun. So many of us spend too much time worrying if the person we’re dating is "the one", if we’re in the "perfect relationship". Genco would encourage us to focus on our studies and impending careers. But, why focus on such mundane topics when there is a lot of fun to be had … especially for the 35 percent male population at JMU?