The fuzzy line: When things go too far

Students discuss the definition, consequences of cheating

Leaving life as a flirtatious singleton and transitioning into a devoted partner can be somewhat awkward. Interactions with the respective sex become much more complicated and what once was appropriate behavior now could be considered cheating — fodder for jealousy and arguments. One thing is for sure — until boundaries are established, lines will be crossed, which creates opportunity for much heartache.

But what boundaries are appropriate? There is a blurry distinction between what constitutes being unfaithful and what is considered harmless interaction. For some, holding hands, dancing or sitting on a lap that doesn’t belong to their significant other is cheating, while to others it is fair game.

"Unfaithfulness is different for each person, and as a couple in a committed relationship, they should set up rules and standards based on their values," senior Lucy Wells said.

Senior Thomas J. Lahr said that in a relationship, it is important to establish what physical actions mean to one another. It is not the partner’s action that has the potential to do the most emotional damage, but their motivation instead.

"My feelings would be much more hurt by what [my girlfriend] did emotionally than by what she did physically," Lahr said. "The ultimate cheating is someone falling in love with someone else."

While perhaps the more ambiguous form of infidelity to identify, emotional betrayal could be the most painful. Physical attributes easily are manipulated and inevitably change, so it is the emotional connection that endures and is the strongest bond. If a partner’s emotional interest lies with someone else, it can be devastating to the relationship.

As a relationship progresses and becomes more serious, the partners’ trust for one another should strengthen. It often is the case, however, that as one’s love for his or her significant other increases, so then does their vulnerability. It can become difficult to confront one’s own jealousy rationally and keep insecurity under control.

"If you’re in a relationship, you should trust [the other person]," senior Ellen Kokinda said. " And if you are worried about them talking to other people, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. If you are in a happy relationship, then I don’t think you should worry about flirting, or when your significant other hangs around the opposite sex."

The definition of cheating ultimately is relative. In order to avoid unnecessary conflict, it is imperative that couples discuss the issue honestly. Lahr said, "There are boundaries to be crossed, but there takes a lot of communication to find out what those boundaries are."