Relationship books encourage couples to read between lines

Sex in the Suburbs

In the renowned romance novel, "Anna Karenina," Leo Tolstoy wrote, "If there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts."

Books on love have come a long way since Tolstoy. Most people have seen the numerous self-help relationship books stacked on the shelves of Barnes and Noble and the University Bookstore. Their colorful spines display alluring titles such as "Find a Husband after 35," "True Love (And Other Lies)," "I Used to Miss Him but my Aim is Improving" and the currently popular, "He’s Just Not That Into You."

If Tolstoy is right about the many different kinds of love, can these books really teach us meaningful information about a subject so personal and unique? If you think these books might be beneficial, how can you sort through hundreds of titles to find one that’s right for you?

Students have mixed views about these self-help books.

"I’ve never read any before, and there’s been situations where I needed advice, but I turned to my friends instead," sophomore Nina Perazzoli said. "If I were to read one, the book would have to be really specific. I’d take what they say with a grain of salt — I wouldn’t apply it to my relationship and use it to solve my problems. I would just skim through to get ideas, it would be my last resort."

However, senior Ben Russell believes "the right book can really make a difference in your relationship." Russell read "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley Jr. and found it extremely insightful — especially the small tests for each partner which are designed to help both people better understand each other’s needs.

Dr. Peter Sheras, clinical psychologist and a speaker at the Get S.M.A.R.T. (Skills Make Adult Relationships Thrive) program at JMU believes the right book can make all the difference in a relationship.

"What drives you to buy a book is that you want to make things better," Sheras said. "And if you’re in that place, you’re going to make things better."

Sheras recommends books that are humorous and easy to read, such as John Gray’s "Mars and Venus" collection, and "He Says, She Says" by Deborah Tannen.

However, Sheras also warns that books are not a cure-all — some problems can’t be helped or fixed with a book.

"Physical abuse, sexual abuse, problems with drugs or alcohol are more serious and should be treated professionally," Sheras said.

He also said how effective the use of books is in a relationship depends on the intent of the individual.

"The difficult thing is if somebody buys a book to fix someone else. The implication there is that you’re saying, ‘It’s your problem and not mine.’ The best thing is to read a book together."