Holiday excitement can give way to insanity

Breeze Perspectives

With the holiday season upon us, the excitement builds and we all begin to embrace the spirit of giving that warms the heart. However, this time of year also gives rise to certain behaviors that can be described as nothing short of maniacal. For some, the holidays can be magical, but for others — and indeed, most — the holidays can be hell.

On Saturday, Nov. 14, a woman driving through a suburban area was hit by a frozen turkey that was thrown from an oncoming car and crashed through the woman’s windshield. The turkey was bought with a stolen credit card and the teenagers were being sought for questioning. The woman is now in critical condition.

This actually happened. First of all, teenagers are now stealing turkeys to eat for Thanksgiving. This should make for one dysfunctional family feast. Second of all, a woman was critically injured by a Thanksgiving turkey. What’s next, a Santa serial killer? Is it too to much hope for that we can drive down the road during the holiday season without having to worry about the onslaught of a projectile turkey?

Aside from this recent incident, I think we all can attest to and have witnessed in others some sort of dysfunctional behavior around the holidays. One tradition I have always been fond of is the employee holiday party. Everyone that you work with gets together — you sing, dance and join in merriment — then you wake up the next morning with a headache, bruises, broken shoes and no recollection of what happened after your first cocktail. What an unfortunate thing to actually be kicked out of your own employee Christmas party.

The shopping is so pleasant around the holidays as well. I just love going to the malls during December — the decorations, the music and the Christmas cheer. I’ve seen more than a few fights between women for an item that might be the last one in stock or the last one of a particular size. The point is, the way these women behave is pure lunacy.

And that’s not all, either. The lines in the stores are long enough that I could read a short novel in the time it takes to get through them. Sometimes I get the urge to conduct an experiment where I cut in line just to see what would happen, but I always end up walking sullenly to the back of the line, recoiling in terror from the angry mobs of holiday shoppers. And the parking garages are enough to make monsters out of all of us. It is sad when you end up paying as much for valet as you spend on your mom’s Christmas present.

Oh, the joys of the holidays. I guess the best we can do is struggle through them and try to have a few laughs along the way. Watch out for flying turkeys, Long Island iced teas and crazed holiday shoppers. Happy holidays, everyone!

Vanessa Elmer is a junior English major.