Day leaves males knocked cold

I think someone sabotaged Valentine's Day very early on. The most famous symbol for the holiday is a fat guy in a diaper with a bow and arrow. He probably was about to go bag him a nice meal and then sit around watching television in his diaper — all his underwear were probably in the dryer.

Somewhere along the way, a woman got involved and did some tinkering around and — wham — out pops this mushy love fest. The one thing that guys can look forward to about Valentine's Day is a little tender loving care — but it comes at a price.

Valentine's Day is like paying taxes at the end of the year in order to keep things running smoothly. It allows a man to show his special someone that they are important in his life. Valentine's Day provides an opportunity for men to be creative, and be made fun of by their single friends for their painstaking acts of sensitivity.

Despite these taunts, orginality always is respected. "Baywatch Hawaiian Wedding," a microwave pizza and a six pack makes for a nice evening, but won't cause your grandma to blush and say "what a sweet boy" at the next family gathering.

Valentine's Day is a nice way for guys to be able to show their feelings for the one they care about. But, if a guy needs a designated day to show his affection, then something is absent from the relationship, and it goes by the name of intimacy.

For those who are single, a strange phenomenon occurs on Valentine's Day. For some reason, women — who were burning their bras the day before and declaring their independence from male chauvinism — become sullen and dejected over not having a guy to fawn over them. As a result, unsuspecting guys can be duped into thinking that a relationship is what they always have wanted and then spend a night out with someone they hardly know.

But, a true angler knows that when women are in this state, it is easy to find a partner for the evening without the glitz of a night on the town and soft R. Kelly music playing in the background.

We shouldn't continue to put ourselves in these positions. Why are we getting all bent out of shape about a holiday that began because birds choose their mate midway through February.
According to www.newadvent.com, as a result of these mating habits, "the day was looked upon as specially consecrated to lovers, and as a proper occasion for writing love letters and sending lovers' tokens."

So, I guess my Valentine shouldn't get upset when I try to put the moves on her by regurgitating my dinner into her mouth.