‘An Invisible Sign of My Own’ portrays one woman’s emotion, struggle

ATL

Having read a fair number of books in my lifetime, let me assure you, one of the most telling — and often times frightening — things that can happen to you is seeing yourself in a character. When I read an author’s description of a character’s eccentricities, fears, mannerisms and personality and they seem to parallel my own, I start to wonder if I am really that transparent.

I read Aimee Bender’s "An Invisible Sign of My Own" and felt, in some way, the author knew me.

Mona Gray is a 19-year-old second-grade math teacher, disillusioned as she has watched her father slowly succumb to an unnamed and incurable illness. The melancholic hush that has fallen over her family as a result leaves her unable to enjoy or appreciate anything. She quits the things that she loves before she ever has a chance to be disappointed — including dance lessons, piano classes, running and her first boyfriend.

Her only comfort lies in the stability of her work, in the security of numbers and their unchanging nature. When she immerses herself in teaching, her father’s illness and her own unhappiness feel miles away.

Seeing myself in Mona may be somewhat exaggerated, but there are undeniable attributes that we both share.

What Mona fears most is loss. The thought of being helplessly abandoned by her father is almost too much to take, so she in turn abandons everything else in her life in an attempt to gain a sense of control, no matter how skewed that control may be. She longs for something unwavering and constant to cling to in an unreasonably harsh world.

These may seem like silly childhood fears, but I have felt the same way before. Sometimes, a lingering voice in my head tells me my world could come crashing down.

Yet, while Bender portrays Mona as a girl with possibly unwarranted insecurities, she also provides her with an outlet for conquering her emotional obstacles. Mona meets a teacher who seems to look right into her soul and understand the anguish she feels. He shows her how to break free from the pain and appreciate the life that is right in front of her.

As I read about Mona breaking free from her painful shell, I realize that I, too, am fully capable of understanding. I see that my life, my world, is such a blessing, no matter how bad things can seem sometimes.

Bender has an unbelievable ability to tap into the reader’s mind and to make him or her feel as if their undisclosed fears and worries are on display for the world to see. In a sense, feeling that was therapeutic. I didn’t feel so alone in my anxiety.

So there must be strength in numbers. If Bender was able to get a book published about one young girl’s disquieted mind, then I must not be alone.