Unveiled

Engaged students balance planning perfect day with already busy schedules

As she roams Hoffman Hall, it may be difficult to picture senior Sabra Gilbart trading in her resident hall director shirt for the wedding dress she'll wear this October. Gilbart is just one of dozens of women planning their upcoming weddings from their dorm rooms and apartments while still students. With the recent passing of prime gift-giving time — the holiday season and a long Winter Break — many women returned to school with an addition to their jewelry collection — one piece in particular adorning their fourth finger on the left hand. So, now they are faced with the challenge of planning a wedding from school — away from family support and vendors they want to utilize to plan their special day.

Getting Creative

Once friends and classmates find out about their engagement, brides-to-be usually are asked, "How did he do it?" — as in, how did her new fiancé propose. Gilbart's fiancé, Reuben Crews ('02), proposed to her in front of the Christmas tree at her grandmother's house with a ring he purchased from James McHone Jewelry in downtown Harrisonburg.

Some students have made their ties to JMU part of their proposals. After she completed her dance recital in May 2002, senior Keri Burkholder's fiancé, Chris Marston, a graduate of Virginia Tech ('03), proposed to her on the steps of Wilson Hall. Burkholder said the way he proposed was romantic because "Wilson Hall is such a landmark that is so central to the essence of JMU." In similar fashion, junior Ashley Stough's fiancé, George Graham ('03) proposed by the Christmas tree on the Quad. "It was perfect, considering we owe our relationship to JMU," Graham said.

Some students use school trips to their advantage when it comes to popping the big question. Junior Kristen Minerd was proposed to by her fiancé, junior John Zannino, while they were on a Marching Royal Dukes trip to Dublin, Ireland, in December 2003.

Other students have taken a more elaborate approach to the proposal. George Mason University student Chris Auer proposed to his girlfriend of two years, sophomore Laura Carpenter, by waking her up one morning in December 2002 to tell her she had 20 minutes to dress for the day and that she should layer her clothing. After arriving at Dulles Airport near Washington, D.C., Auer handed Carpenter a plane ticket. By noon, Carpenter and Auer were leaving the airport in Orlando, Fla., and were standing in front of Cinderella's castle, where Auer proposed. That evening, when they returned to Dulles, both of their families were waiting to congratulate them.

Making it official

Once the perfect proposal carefully has been executed, the planning of the biggest day of one's life can begin. Every woman has had dreams of her wedding since she was a small girl, but now the reality of planning a wedding — and the rest of a new life together — has its challenges. Making a busy student's life easier while planning a wedding not only is helpful, but essential. Online wedding planning assistance is becoming more mainstream and appealing to the busy brides-to-be. One Web site, www.theknot.com, offers engaged couples the opportunity to make their own wedding Web site, plan a budget, make a guest list and even keep planners on task with monthly checklists prior to the big day.

"[Theknot.com] is a must for the busy college bride," Burkholder said. "It really is a great resource to have."

The high prices initially encountered by brides-to-be also can be intimidating, according to Stough. "I guarantee you will go into shock mode the first time you start pricing [elements of the wedding]," Stough said. According to Burkholder, another untapped resource is Bridal Mart in Burlington, N.C., a showroom of designer bridal and wedding party dresses sold at reduced rates. "My bridal party and I saved about $400 ordering our dresses from there," she said.

Burkholder advises that attending bridal shows also can be helpful. "They're fun, and you almost always win something," Burkholder said, after winning $2,000 off a one-year lease, $40 off bridal portraits and $50 off a wedding cake. Carpenter's roommate, sophomore Justine Adelsperger, who also is engaged, said with the average wedding coming in at around $20,000, one must be prepared to help foot some of the bill. "Set a budget and stick to it," Burkholder said. "This can be hard, but well worth it in the end." If parents are assisting in financing the wedding, however, "expect them to give their opinion on everything, down to the smallest detail," Adelsperger said.

Parents' opinions are not the only ones to take into consideration when planning a wedding. There's always that guy waiting at the alter who may want a say in the day. "Your fiancé will truly appreciate being included in decision making," Stough said.

Balancing the books — bridal and school

Prioritizing planning and studying is key in remaining sane while being engaged and in college, as most of the brides-to-be have demonstrated. Though some students' biggest priority is finding the big parties for the coming weekend, picking dresses, florists, photographers, reception halls and caterers on top of writing a term paper is no easy feat. "Trying to plan a wedding and juggling the massive amounts of schoolwork … each semester is the biggest challenge of being a college student," said senior Heather Arndt, who also is engaged. Also, knowing when to put down the wedding magazines and pick up the school books can be difficult, according to junior Rachel Comer, who will be getting married in the early summer of 2005. Waiting to be married until the bride- and groom-to-be both have graduated also can help alleviate some stress that comes with wedding planning. "[The] biggest challenge was trying to finish up all my classwork and graduate December 12 and plan the wedding for December 20," said Ashley Ludlow Connelly ('03). Connelly and her husband, junior Rob Connelly, manage a relationship while he still is in school by putting their marriage first.

Being in college is hectic enough, even without having to choose a date for a wedding. Carpenter recommends picking a date far in the future. "Planning a wedding while taking a full course load can be extremely stressful," she said. "This gives you time to … really get the things you want for your special day." Adlesperger said waiting to get married until she graduated is one of the best decisions she and fiancé Ron Powell have made as a couple.

Once exams are over and the perfect bouquet is selected, Comer said, "Remember this is hopefully the only wedding you will have. Make it what you want it to be." It is imperative to focus on your relationship while planning your wedding, according to Stough. "Many people get so caught up in planning the wedding that they forget to talk about what will happen once they're married." Above all, brides-to-be must remember to relax and remember that this only is a day to mark the beginning of another chapter of their lives with someone they love. Gilbart said, "Remember the real reason you're planning the wedding at all — the start of a life with the person [you] love intensely and who loves [you] back with the same vigor."