Cursed campus: Students vexed by dating doldrums

Sex in the Suburbs

In the words of William Shakespeare, "The course of true love never did run smooth." Whether they've frequented the weekend slew of parties, logged in time at UREC or people-watched at D-hall, some students have realized that finding true love, or even just a date, has become a trying experience at JMU.

One of the problems with the JMU dating scene is "people don't date anymore," according to Celeste Thomas, peer mentor coordinator in the Counseling and Student Development Center. "That great hookup is part of our culture."

The opportunity to hook up may be to blame for the lack of people actually going on dates.

Senior Steve Bae said hooking up seems to take precedence on this campus, as opposed to starting a serious, committed relationship with someone. The unbalanced ratio of women to men at JMU contributes to this problem, he said. "In college, guys see the possibility of so many hookups — they just overpass relationships," Bae said. He also has noticed a backward chronology of JMU students' development of a relationship, "It's the reverse order — you hook up and then you start dating."

Despite these obstacles, some students and teachers offer advice to singles looking for a relationship. Sociology instructor Christine Robinson suggests that, in starting a relationship, it is important to be clear about what one wants and to "avoid being reckless with other people's hearts." She said, "Avoid seeking relationships for unhealthy reasons, such as fear of being alone (or) uncoupled … or to conform to others' expectations or social pressure."

Freshman Jeremy Paredes said dating is overrated, and people shouldn't make finding a relationship a priority — there are other ways to seek fulfillment, such as through involvement in activities. He said the best thing a college student can do is go out and have a good time with someone, whether or not that person is in a relationship.

According to Bae, even if you do get a date with someone, there are some dating behaviors that are unacceptable.

"It may signal that the date is not going well if they don't look you in the eye," junior Elizabeth Shwaery said. She said the success or failure of the date ultimately depends upon the connection made. "The connection between the two people determines what actions are acceptable," she said.

Bae said he thinks that excessive cursing is an inappropriate behavior to exhibit when on a date. "It's never attractive when your date starts throwing the ‘F bomb' around."

Senior Clark Nesselrodt said he thinks that the combination of good conversation and alcoholic beverages play a crucial role in producing a successful date. "It's like lubrications; it keeps things going," he said, regarding alcohol intake.

Finding love or maintaining a relationship may seem next to impossible in the JMU community where students ditch dating to hook up. As a result of the JMU dating dilemma phenomenon, Thomas offers this important piece of advice to keep in mind: "You can stand alone and be happy."