Illogical logic surrounding Easter holiday

Driving home from Spring Break for 13 hours on the highway at the speed of a halfway decent fastball, especially with people who sleep the whole way, gave me a lot of time to think. I might as well have been driving a hearse. My mind therefore drifted as I drove along, eventually settling on thoughts of spring — flowers, the Quad, even Easter — that strange little holiday we no longer get time off for.

Contrary to popular belief, Easter does not celebrate the birth of the Easter bunny, but rather the life of an ancient Jew. Some carpenter guy from a little hick town in Israel wandered around for three years with 12 groupies saying and doing some nice things, and got the shaft. We’ve been talking about it ever since.

Many have blithely dismissed this Jesus dude as a great moral teacher who never claimed to be God, but that doesn’t make much sense. The Pharisees didn’t get him crucified because he loved lepers and blessed children, but for blasphemy. He called himself the son of God and implicitly claimed equality with God, which is not exactly kosher.

Most people who think they’re God end up lording over a padded room — except for Oprah, who seems to be doing quite well for herself. Calling oneself God is a telltale sign of schizophrenia, or at least a neurotic pride complex. But Jesus, though he clearly viewed himself as God’s gift, didn’t exhibit any signs of mental defect. Instead he said and did some pretty profound things, which he credited not to his dog, but rather to his Father in heaven. Jesus’ insightful teachings instead prove that he seemed to be in more of a right mind than I am — and only a few people want to commit me.

If he wasn’t insane, he could have still been lying the whole time. Maybe he defined deity the same way Bill Clinton defines sexual relations. But Jesus specifically valued truth and even identified himself as "the way, the truth, and the life." He also emphasized honesty as the only policy. Lying about his identity would have made him a bigger hypocrite than a vegan in Burger King.

And if he knowingly lied about his divinity, it was a pretty dumb move, since he got himself killed for it. Calling yourself God in the only monotheistic culture in the region is not a great way to win friends and influence people. Since he held onto the claim to the bitter end, it would mean that he specifically chose to die for the lie. Realistically speaking, that’s not very realistic.

Both theories also remove the credibility of his moral teachings, for nobody is going to ask Charles Manson for a code of ethics, and nobody is going to ask Bill Clinton for marriage counseling. Not that it matters, for neither theory is rationally credible. He clearly wasn’t a pompous lunatic who spoke sanity, or a suicidal compulsive liar who spoke truth.

Logically, the only explanation is the most illogical: that Jesus really was who he said he was — the divine son of God. If he was the divine son of God, it means he could have done what he said he would do — come back from the dead. And if he came back from the dead, it means he can do for us what he said he wants to do for us — love us to death. And knowing that he loves us to death can make a lonely 13-hour car ride a lot less lonely.

Brian Goodman is a sophomore history/SCOM major.