Age, sex of siblings influences communication about relationships

Siblings have seen you at your best and worst — they have a shared history with you. But should a sibling have the power to negatively or positively affect your romantic relationship?

For many JMU students, a sibling’s opinion sometimes is more valuable than their parent’s approval in regards to who they date.

"I want my sisters to approve of [who I date] because I want their outlook," junior Jennie Reed said. "My mom will like anyone; my sisters will be honest."

Shirley Cobb, associate director of the Counseling and Student Development Center, said the relationship between siblings affects communication.

"If one is closer to their sibling, [then they] probably have a better understanding of each other in terms of values and give more accurate feedback of the fit of a person," Cobb said.

Freshman Will Roth found that since he is close with his older sister, he serves as a major factor in terms of who his sister dates.

"I make sure that my sister’s boyfriends know that I’m her brother and want the best for her," Roth said. "I told one before that she had her heart broken in the past, and it better not happen again."

With every situation, the importance of a sibling’s opinion also is determined by the age difference between siblings.

"My experience has been that those who have a bigger age range are not as close and sometimes are in opposition of each other," Cobb said. "Usually, I see this in [age differences] of five years or more."

On the other hand, sophomore Lori Thomas values her older brother’s opinion in terms of who she dates only to a certain extent.

However, Thomas points out that she cares more about his opinion since he is much older than she.

"I think that if my brother and I were closer in age, then I wouldn’t care as much," Thomas said. "Since he’s older, I look up to him more as a role model than if he was around my age and more like a friend."

Some JMU students find significance in whether or not a sibling is of the same sex.

"I don’t think that my sister would judge a girl that I might date to see if the girl is right for me, as much as I do with the guys she dates," Roth said. "I think that brothers are more overprotective of their sisters than other sibling relationships."

When Reed first takes her significant other to meet her parents, she usually has her date meet her sister first.

"By introducing them slowly to the family, they kind of [already] have an ally [in my sister] so it’s not as intimidating when they meet the rest of the family," Reed said.

Not everyone relies so heavily on their sibling’s advice when it comes to dating. Thomas said she listens to her brother’s wisdom but does what she wants in the end.

"I wouldn’t not date someone because of what my brother thinks," Thomas.

For anyone about to meet their significant other’s family in the near future, find out how close your sweetie is to their sibling(s); chances are their opinion matters to some degree. For those of you dating an only child, good luck with mom and dad.