Sex in the Suburbs: Covering Distance

Nothing's slow when sending loved ones snail mail

The college years generally are the first time people get involved in long-distance relationships. Boyfriends and girlfriends used to being separated by only a neighborhood may find themselves hundreds of miles apart for stretches of weeks or even months. The rules for LDRs are different than the average relationship and, as such, the overall effort of the relationship is higher on both parties. Such relationships require a greater amount of effort to maintain contact, a serious commitment to a person you cannot see except in pictures, a high degree of trust and phone cards — lots and lots of phone cards.

My relationship with my girlfriend has lasted a year and a half, with the last six months spent on different campuses. She resides in Chicago, a 13-hour drive from the 'Burg (or a 17-hour train ride, of which I have some less-than-fond memories). My girlfriend and I haven't had many chances to see each other, but we are much closer now than we were at the beginning of the school year. I attribute the strength of our bond to the frequency and quality of our communication, and for that I give thanks to my roommate. Yes, my roommate, whose unlimited-nights-and-weekends cell phone plan has accounted for approximately 12 million hours of cross-country chatting. But, as my partner and I learned, LDRs cannot live on phone calls alone. There are plenty of ways to keep in touch that don't have to wait until after 9 p.m.

Writing letters, for instance, takes a great deal more time than you'd think it would, but always feels rewarding. After all, the more you write, the more likely you are to get letters in return — and isn't it nice to find something in the mailbox besides stacks of fliers and phone bills? Unfortunately, letters also have an added drawback because they require costly stamps. There are only so many times you're likely to find 37 cents on your way to the post office. When letter writing fails, e-mail always will do, but it seems much less personal. However, anything is healthier communication than AOL Instant Messenger. A true sign of lack of effort on a significant other's part is trying to maintain a relationship through IM. Receiving a long message ending with "Always Yours" means much more than a series of quick lines finished by "LOL LOL OK G2G BYE B/F!" Giving a significant other undivided attention always is a good way to go — he or she will appreciate it more than you know.

The best part about LDRs is finally reuniting with the person to whom you've given so much time and stamp money. All your efforts will seem more than worth the reward of seeing his or her smiling face again. I know that's how it feels for me — whether it's been two weeks or eight, getting back together with my girlfriend feels like falling in love all over again. It's a blessing to be able to feel that leap in your chest time and time again, and I definitely treasure our time together more than I ever did. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder ... just ask my roommate. I'm sure he misses his cell phone dearly.