Deceit, lies part of the game of love

Relationship dilemas cause unwanted drama during first week of school

Let’s not name names, but as I sat down to write this column, I had so much to say, and yet so little to say. In a week of routine behavior — classes during the week, parties on the weekend — the relationship blunders I have seen this past week have been less than routine.

Most of the problems I have seen deal with a certain fear in a relationship — fears of honesty, emotion and guilt.

First, my housemate and his girlfriend went on a break because she wasn’t feeling the love anymore.

There certainly are other dynamics that I can’t perceive as an outsider, but the situation begs the question — are people giving up on relationships more, or are they just not aware that any good relationship moves through phases?

A very good friend of mine was cheating on his significant other for the entire duration of their relationship. What makes the situation much worse from my perspective is that my friend never felt any compunction to come forward and own up to his guilt — he fully intended to love two people at once.

Can it even work in theory?

Another friend of mine dumped her boyfriend two days ago because he, in her eyes, wasn’t making her a priority — she saw him doing things with her simply because he felt obligated to do so. Maybe that is the situation, maybe not — I certainly only got her side of the story. She dumped this guy she was so into a week ago, and she complained because he cried. "I was like, ‘Whoa there!’" she said. "He was crying so much that he couldn’t talk." I didn’t say anything, but I remember how she agonized a month ago over whether to say "I love you," and was elated when she did. Why the sudden change?

There are so many other anecdotes to share, but let’s not relive them all. Let’s just say there were lies, deceptions, back-stabbing comments and people gossiping in IHOP. If you’re not involved in a situation at all, why are you discussing it over a short stack of pancakes?

I admit that I am usually a hard-toned cynic. But isn’t it hard to be optimistic when you’re single and you see behavior like this in the first days of school?

Hopefully you have not had a similar beginning to an otherwise hopeful school year. Hopefully you’ve never dealt with weeks like this — but I know better. Everyone deals with and watches condemnable behavior, but why does it persist? Why can’t we stop our bad behavior and be good human beings?

Maybe we’re too afraid to own our guilt and too afraid of our emotions. Maybe we’re too afraid of being together and too afraid of being alone. The fact is — we’re just afraid.