Friedman: ‘We are crippled by sexual ignorance’

Sex educator provides thoughts on myths of ‘blue balls,’ how to pick a perfect condom and lubricate correctly

Geary Cox / senior photographer Friedman, a licensed sexual educator, spoke to a crowd of over 300 adults Monday night on unexpected pregnancy and other topics. "It's all a matter of perspective," he said. "You never know until it happens to you."

Men are like microwave ovens and women are like crockpots in terms of sexual arousal, said Jay Friedman. "Two, four, six hours later and they’re still warming up," the sex educator told more than 300 students Monday night.

The crowd, mostly women, gathered to hear Friedman, a licensed sexual educator, present his sex lecture, "The J-Spot: A Sex Educator Tells All" in the College Center Grand Ballroom.

"The questions I get reflect a great amount of misinformation about sex in our culture," Friedman said. "We are crippled by sexual ignorance." Most of the night was spent dispelling rumors. Myths and misconception come through chauvinistic "locker room talk,", homophobia and gender stereotyping and "the myth of ‘blue balls’" the Seattle, Wash. native said.

No one should ever feel pressured to have sex because of the fear of "blue balls," Friedman said. "There have been no cases in history of guys exploding from blue balls … If that were true, you would hear explosions all over campus."

Friedman said there are three criteria to meet before having sex with someone. "Affirm the other person," Friedman said. "That means being able to do it with the light on … it means knowing their name."

Finally, Friedman said, participants should assure mutual pleasure by "negotiating sexual behavior you’re ready for."

Friedman encouraged students to make smart decisions about sex, including the purchase and use of condoms.

"Shopping for a condom is like shopping for a car," he said. "You should look for the make, model, luxuries and features that work for you, and anyone who might ride along with you."

To make a condom feel better, guys should lubricate the outside of the condom, as well as place a drop of lubricant inside the tip of the condom, Friedman said. He also warned experimenters to use water-based — and not oil-based — lubricants.

This approach, he added, only leads to ignorance. "We are the laughing stock of the world for our Victorian attitudes about sex," Friedman said.

"I’ve never seen a real-life sex-pert before," said sophomore Adam Loew. "But this guy definitely seemed to know what he was talking about. I loved his props — especially the giant condom he put on his hand."

Sophomore Whitney March said, "I liked the lecture, though his first story was a little gross." Friedman opened with a graphic story that, at the end, turned out to be about a mother breast feeding a baby.