Sex in the Suburbs

Aftermath of breakup shouldn’t be messy

It’s been interesting, this unspoken battle for territory after a breakup. More than a month later, it should be easy to move on, but there are constant questions and awkward moments.

When we break up with our significant others, we all hope for "the clean breakup," but does such a thing even exist?

The fact is, barring the rare case, the clean breakup doesn’t happen — nor can it. After a months-long relationship and so many mental, psychological and physical connections, it is hard to think of "the ex" in different terms.

The breakup is most painful when it comes to physical territory. Sophomore Elissa Winarski, recently single, felt tension when she walked through the Village where her ex lives. In retrospect, Elissa said her feelings were outrageous — he doesn’t own the Village, and she was just walking. But she still felt the tension just the same.

To fix this, ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach and that angry feeling in your fists and just be cordial. Avoidance is another tactic — sometimes mature and sometimes cowardly. The goal is to limit the number of awkward situations, so do what works for you.

Changes in behavior also follow the breakup. It might be a restaurant, a movie or an activity that just doesn’t seem to fit without the ex. The two involved in the breakup will have to adjust to the new situation. The important thing to remember is that, eventually, you will adjust.

The last — and most difficult — place territorial skirmishes enter is with friends. Usually your friends became mutual between you and the ex. This presents a problem.

I’ve had a few experiences with breakups, and if they’ve taught me anything, it’s that pushing the issue ruins things — never ask your friends to choose sides. In my last breakup, my friends knew the truth and were there for me — I never asked for an oath of allegiance. Had I forced them to pick between the ex and myself, I would have forced them away.

The breakup will be difficult. Losing friends when you’re losing your significant other is ridiculous. If you lose them, then it’s probably something you did to incite their behavior. If they’ve chosen sides against you, it’s better that way. If they chose sides with you, let them know that you are OK with them talking to your ex — I did, and my friends still are by my side.

Breakups aren’t easy, and anyone who tells you differently is lying. A successful breakup is one that disrupts the lives of the fewest people. You will be uncomfortable and may have to change your habits and behaviors — accept it. Your friends never should be put in an uncomfortable situation. Be cordial, speak your peace and move on.